The Not-So-Random Thoughts of a Healing Warrior

As I attempt to gather my thoughts and formulate a coherent sentence, my mind keeps returning to the unavoidable truth that one day I will cease to exist. Of course, this is a fact we all must face at some point, but it is rarely delivered so bluntly. To provide context, I recently extensively conversed with a thoracic surgeon regarding my current medical state and available options. As we delved deeper into my complex and precarious situation, the tone of the discussion took a dark and depressing turn. The surgeon informed me that my condition presents a nightmare scenario for any medical practitioner and that my only hope for any chance of recovery lies in an exceedingly risky surgical procedure with a very low probability of success and a high mortality rate. The doctor detailed the numerous ways in which I might perish as a result of the surgery. I am, of course, free to decline the procedure, although this poses its own set of risks. Over time, my condition may deteriorate, leadin...

Here I am, just a character in my own movie, with no pre-written scenario or script, just improvising and learning as I go through every scene. I have limited control over the film's concept and some grasp of the general direction I want it to go. But it's the other essential elements that I have complete control over, such as my dialogue, character arc and responses, and most importantly, the editing. From the many scenes, I have accumulated throughout my forty-something years. I can edit a happy family movie filled with birds and sunshine with clips from my parents, sisters, wife, son, and others. Or I can make a romantic comedy, highlighting the weird and funny encounters I had before finally connecting with my one true love on Tinder, of all places, and finding her on another continent. I can also cut out a thrilling drama, filled with all the hard times and challenges I've faced, getting divorced, depression, being broke and jobless, and spice things up with cut scenes...

These past months have been a big eye-opener and a complete life changer as I have made bold and edgy choices. Some may see it as sudden, random, risky, out of place, or even reckless. Trust me; it's not. After seven years of constant doctors, hospital visits, surgeries, medications, addictive painkillers, numerous procedures, and trials. All of which had very little success or actual benefit. I've lived a prolonged period of my life hanging on to every piece of straw thrown at me as I try to stay afloat in the stormy sea of my situation and hardship. I was living on false hope after false hope, which is exhausting and draining. I often needed a pill to sleep and another to reduce the pain. Yet, I kept fighting through, pushing forward, and staying optimistic. Albert Einstein correctly stated: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Inspired by that, it is time now that I say: "Enough is enough! If I'm meant to live w...

Hello, my dear unwelcome friend. It’s been a while since we talked, probably since you visited and announced your arrival in my life seven years ago, back in 2015, when I handled it very poorly. But in my defense, I didn’t expect you at all and was told that even though you are here, your visit would be a short and temporary one and that I wouldn’t have to see you again, ever, but you undoubtedly managed to prove everyone wrong. Nevertheless, and even though I don’t like what you are, how you behave, and what you did to parts of my body and life, you have been there with me for a long time and almost instantly made an impact in my life, and in the way, I think and feel. You somehow managed to be an inspiration, a fabulous great teacher. You took me on many journeys and experiences to help me see another different and deeper side of me. You changed me! Today I’m glad that you did. I wouldn’t undo anything in our journey (well, maybe just a few things, if I’m being honest). You came into...

I like it, and I also find it a bit ironic that a person like me, who has lost his lung and constantly gets out of breath, has recently developed the habit of enjoying talking; the more engaging the subject and the person, the longer the talk. Moreover, it doesn’t bother me quite the opposite; it gives me energy and a positive boost. But to be fair, sometimes I can talk smoothly, and other times I describe it as a lousy connection where the sound cuts, comes and goes. Nevertheless, I’m planning that the next destination in my journey would be 'Life Coaching' to help others overcome challenges they might perceive as obstacles and limitations.  I had that desire and willingness to help others in me since a younger age, but without the knowledge or experiences, I possess today. So I want to use what I have acquired and share it with those who are willing and open to it. Because at the end of the day, it has to happen by choice, and the person has to be open-minded and ready to rec...

So recently, as I was lying awake in my bed and having a lovely online chat with my sister alongside my wife, the doorbell rang for the food we ordered. A few seconds after standing up and walking to the door, I got dizzy quickly and blacked out for seconds, I hit my head on the wall, but luckily my wife noticed and rushed to my rescue and prevented my fall. I wouldn't have given it much thought since I'm recovering post-op, losing weight, and taking medications, but this was not the first time. A few months back and before my latest surgery, it happened almost identically, minus my wife breaking my fall; that time, it was our living room wooden coffee table. Don't worry, the table is fine. My wife suggested that it could be POTS, which she was made aware of during her pregnancy. I had never heard of it, and it sounds funny until you know what it is, then it's not funny anymore.  What is it? POTS means Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. I know; I barely underst...