A Letter To My Now Friend, Disease.

Hello, my dear unwelcome friend. It’s been a while since we talked, probably since you visited and announced your arrival in my life seven years ago, back in 2015, when I handled it very poorly. But in my defense, I didn’t expect you at all and was told that even though you are here, your visit would be a short and temporary one and that I wouldn’t have to see you again, ever, but you undoubtedly managed to prove everyone wrong.

Nevertheless, and even though I don’t like what you are, how you behave, and what you did to parts of my body and life, you have been there with me for a long time and almost instantly made an impact in my life, and in the way, I think and feel. You somehow managed to be an inspiration, a fabulous great teacher. You took me on many journeys and experiences to help me see another different and deeper side of me. You changed me! Today I’m glad that you did. I wouldn’t undo anything in our journey (well, maybe just a few things, if I’m being honest). You came into my life to help me overcome my previous traumas and issues and remind me of life’s value and what truly matters. 

I remember the time that we first met. It was an awkward and strange encounter. I didn’t know you, and you came on so suddenly and so strong you barely gave me time to process. Many theories were developed to explain why you are here and where you came from, but I knew it was pointless information; you already are here, and that’s the matter. Oddly enough, you came barring gifts, many of which seemed insensitive jokes and seemingly the worst gifts ever. Man, how wrong was I!

I’ve always heard the phrase, “never judge a book by its cover,” yet that’s precisely the opposite of what I did initially. I judged you so negatively and so harshly, and that’s on me; I apologize. This apology is mainly coming because of what I know now. I had realized that it wasn’t your choice or fault, that with my past programming, lifestyle, and stress, I had inadvertently sent and posted an open invitation to the universe many years before we met. You just answered the invitation and walked through a widely opened door. I didn’t do those things intentionally or consciously, but it was in me and from me nonetheless. I have unwillingly contributed to building up the best red carpet welcome mat and environment for you to come in and take center stage in this new chapter of my life.

Why am I talking to you like this? Why now? What changed?

The simple answer would be that I did. I have changed. I’ve learned and grown so much in the past few years and more so in the last few months when I realized that no one, including myself, gets you or understands you, and therefore we don’t know how to make you leave and tell you goodbye. I have to admit that You’ve proven yourself to be a very stubborn, tricky, and sticky visitor—one who can’t be forcefully removed. So I’m choosing kindness. I’m choosing curiosity. To open myself to getting to know you better and understand your story so you can leave on your own when the time is right. But for now, here we are, on the same path and journey, so we might as well cope and make the absolute best of it.